143: The Edge of Seventeen
Lady B accidentally found herself reading this article on Saturday whilst I waited on a (very) late Lady Two Birds to meet me (seriously, she was so late, I was getting those looks of "gosh poor love has been stood up." I wasn't, for the record.) I sat reading it, sipping on a flat white on a baby-free day out with not a hint of work in sight. And yet April was very much about the work, and May, even more so. Because YES, Lady B only went and got herself a little unit in a little well known Food Hall in these 'ere parts. Shit got serious. If it wasn't already. Which it was. But now, y'know, Lady B has a real life presence, as well as online; you can come say "HEY" anytime, you can come and just stand and watch me work because that's what the unit is like, a fishbowl, and it means I no longer have to work from home. It's pretty magnificent, Lady B Believers. It feels so fabulous to go to work - such a novelty - which might pass I guess, but coming home to separately put the washing on rather than doing that whilst some biscuits baked and I quickly grabbed Mini B some water, is pretty fantastic. Multi-tasking as a Mama is darn hard anyway, let alone when you've got scones on a twelve minute timer too. The hope, the dream even, is that Lady B's work/life balance sees a shift whereby evenings are reclaimed a little from the tie of the kitchen, and where I no longer have to move from parent to baker continuously and into the early hours of the morning too. I hope. I dream. Of course, it means Mini B has a little extra childcare time, yep, although not significantly more, and if anything, some precious alone time with Lord B come the weekend. So why does it sound like Lady B is justifying her choice... To whom? Always reminds me of Miranda telling Charlotte in SATC "you get behind your choice". (It's Season 4 if you're wondering, Time and Punishment episode. Ha.)
This was not an easy decision for me to make, and those really close to me know how long I spent debating whether to go for it or not. Mother and Father Mooncake were away sunning themselves - a bit too much actually, Father Mooncake got pretty bad sunstroke and was laid up for four days! Therefore though, I hadn't the chance to talk it out with them, my two biggest sidekicks and of course, inspirations. Pretty humble entrepreneurs, they are what make me believe running your own business, however big or small, is possible. I've never been that dab a hand with the money and forecasting whatsit, and although I've never really asked for their help with that stuff, suddenly I felt like I was making a pretty important step and I wanted to know that they too would have taken said step, had it been them. Yet, I couldn't ask.
So, I bothered a small select few close to me with my wonderings. To those few, and you know who you are, you're pretty darn great - thank you for listening. And more seriously, to those that sat me down in a coffee shop on a very wet Wednesday when Mini B was having constant tantrums in puddles, and who held my hand and looked me straight in the eye and told me: "You'd be a fool. Do. It. For god's sake, you're winding us up."... THANK YOU. Sometimes you just need some good friends - notably in this case, Lady Schmidt and Lady Boo, to give you a good firm shake. Really, when it comes down to it, it's all about confidence, it's all about taking the leap and believing, and when you know others have that faith, it's a little less precarious taking that leap. And so I jumped. And Mother and Father Mooncake; would they have jumped too? I told them simply by taking them to the unit to see my LBP decal up on the window. Father Mooncake's face; a little smile I shall hold dear forever, and Mother Mooncake's glee; priceless. One of the most precious moments in life; knowing you've made your parents proud.
I can't lie, I do like to work. And LBP was my first baby, however cliche that sounds. I love being with Mini B obvs, and yet fighting over the two, which is how it's felt of late, is exhausting. Lady B forever feels like she isn't doing either job all that well which is punishing, upsetting, and unrewarding. Being a Mama is as we know, relentless. Working in-between that and whenever possible, we also know to be relentless. Lady B really really hopes this goes someway to rectifying this problem and allows me to work and be a Mama to the best of my abilities possible, because surely there is place enough for both to co-exisit and for both to get the best of me? And then there's the other stuff I still need to remember; the daughter duties, the wife duties, the friend, the sister, etc etc... Okay, Tanith Carey author of "Confessions of a workaholic mother: how not to have it all" from the start of this blogpost, maybe you're right, we can't have it all, but we can bloody well try. Least, I'm gonna. And I am more than certain I won't be the last foolish Mama to give it a hell of a good go.
So, as we enter the week where Lady B officially launches her new work home (eeek, any excuse for a little party), here's a tune that's basically seen me through the decision making process and will be first on the launch party playlist.
Like a white winged dove. Sing it, Stevie.
Be good and bake well,